I'm at a crossroads. If you know me or know anything about me, sports have defined me for my entire life. My earliest sports memories involve Reggie Miller pushing off Michael Jordan in the 1998 playoffs and the 2000 Music City Miracle, or what's commonly known in my family as the "Forward Lateral Game." I remember both so vividly.
I was 6 years old when Reggie pushed off Michael. I was watching at Radnor Valley Country Club in the suburbs of Philly and like any other kid (or person), I wanted to be Michael Jordan. When Reggie hit the shot, I instantly stormed out of the room I was watching and started uncontrollably sobbing. I don't remember anything else from those playoffs or probably even that year in my life. I think it ended with MJ hitting some iconic shot and crushing the soul of Byron Russell.
When the Buffalo Bills fell to the Tennessee Titans in the 'forward lateral game,' I was 8 years old watching in my basement with my father and brother. When the Bills lose games, they don't just lose. They rip out your heart, stomp on it, and tear it into a million little pieces. The son of a Buffalo native, I've seen a lot of this throughout my 25 years on this Earth. In this instance, the Bills lost in the playoffs on a last second kick return and I remember my father shouting at the TV worse than I've ever been yelled at in my entire life. I hope to never do anything as bad to my father that the Tennessee Titans did to him on January 8, 2000.
This is when I realized that sports are pretty cool. It's fun to root for a team. It's exhilarating when your team wins on a buzzer beating jump shot or a game-winning field goal. Let me preface this next part of the story before I go any further. This is not a happy story. As I mentioned above, I'm at a crossroads.
Growing up in the suburbs of Philadelphia, naturally, I adopted the Eagles when my love of football was just starting. Sure, the Bills do and always will hold a special place for me, but I have a connection to my hometown (Or maybe I was just scarred from my Dad's rage. Sports are stupid). I started getting into the Eagles right around when Donovan McNabb was replacing none other than Doug Pederson. Yes, the same Doug Pederson who just guided the Eagles to their first Super Bowl in franchise history. This is not a happy story though.
Thanks to McNabb, I instantly fell in love with Eagles. I watched every game, wore my prized McNabb jersey, and we eventually got season tickets. I was a part of a community in South Philadelphia at Lincoln Financial Field. I was at the Eagles inaugural game at the Linc against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 2003. I remember meeting the fellow Eagles fans in my section and discovering what would become my Sunday family for the next decade. When the Eagles beat the Falcons in 2005 to make the Super Bowl, I remember sprinting up and down the steps of my house. Two weeks later, I attended the Super Bowl in Jacksonville against the Patriots and that loss was easily a contender for most traumatic moment of my life.
Other contenders at that stage of my life:
1) Pooping my pants at my friends house at age 5.
2) Losing my pet bird to a literal eye explosion at age 6. RIP Abu.
3) Getting my forehead slammed on the pavement after a vicious fight with my brother at age 8.
This was not a fun flight home from Jacksonville.
After that loss, I wanted it more than ever. I needed that elusive feeling that comes with winning a championship. Flash forward to 2018, 13 years later, and the Eagles were back in the Super Bowl - once again playing the Patriots. Now, I mentioned, this is not a happy story.
I'm not proud of this next part. I'm really not. As the years went on and I got older, this stupid thing happened. I started to lose interest in the Eagles and became more of a football fan in general. I had moments of denial where I tried to pretend I had the same passion that I once had.
Then, in 2013, I couldn't pretend anymore. When the Eagles played the Saints in the 2013 playoffs I was at the game. When they lost, I felt nothing. I had never experienced this before in my life. Why was I suddenly completely apathetic towards this team? I continued to watch in the coming years but again felt nothing win or loss.
This past season and particularly the Super Bowl were truly a confusing time for me. Sunday night should have been the happiest night of my life. Sunday Night I should have been parading down Broad Street climbing traffic lights. Instead I sat on my couch and reflected on what happened to me as an Eagles fan. I came up with a few possibilities.
1) Did going to college in Philly ruin the beautiful relationship I had with the Eagles?
- I don't even know if this makes sense but in my head it does. There's something I like about rooting for a team in a city that nobody else is. (See Bulls, Chicago). But, then again, I rooted for the Eagles all throughout my childhood so this theory actually makes no sense.
2) Did experiences I had at Philly sporting events negatively change my perception of the Eagles? Let's investigate. It's time for two stories.
- A few years ago the Bulls were playing the Sixers in the playoffs and Derrick Rose had torn his ACL two games prior. OK, that was a pretty shitty day in my life, but I'm not getting into that right now. Anyway, in Game 3, Joakim Noah badly injured his ankle and as he winced on the floor in pain, the entire arena erupted in applause. I was horrified.
- It's 2015 and the Bills are in town to face the Eagles. It's been two years removed from the playoff loss to the Saints and my love for the Eagles hasn't really gotten any better. I'm at the game with my father, brother, and sister and some asshole is legitimately screaming in my Dad's ear after every positive Eagles play. As you may guess, my Dad was wearing a Bills jersey and it's no secret that Philly fans have never been overly welcoming to the visiting team. It got bad enough to the point where I finally turned around and said something to the guy and let's just say he didn't take kindly to what I said.
3) Do I have commitment issues?
OK, now I'm thinking a little too much into this.
As Tom Brady's Hail Mary attempt fell incomplete, I was at a total loss of feelings. I didn't know what to think. Perhaps there was some jealousy of the fan base that I once represented. Perhaps I'm overdramatizing this entire thing (probably) and I should have just stormed to Broad Street. I received numerous text messages from people congratulating me on the Super Bowl which didn't exactly help my mental state. I'm happy for the city of Philadelphia, I really am. I'm happy for the many die-hard Eagles fans that I know.
I should probably stop writing now. I told you this wasn't a happy story.