We live in a weird world. We don't want to walk anywhere and we don't want to get in taxis with strangers anymore. Instead, we'd rather get in Toyota Camry's with strangers and rate them. Seems legit.
There needs to be some sort of etiquette shown from the drivers of these ride-sharing apps such as Uber or Lyft. As a frequent user of these apps, I dove into this very important issue.
1. Don’t ask me my preferred route.
In many cases, this is how the beginning of an Uber ride generally starts:
Driver: Wesley?
Me: Yep. Hello.
Please note: This dialogue can easily be flip-flopped. You are often times the one presenting your name with a question mark. Anyway...
Driver: How are you?
Me: Good.
Driver: I see you’re going to Lego Land. Any preferred route?
If my driver asks me this, we’re immediately off to a rocky start. It’s not my job to pull up Waze on my phone. It’s my job to sit in silence on my phone and check Instagram for the next half hour. This happened to me recently in San Francisco. My driver, Samir, presented me with two different options on how I’d like to get to my destination. I told him what any logical person would say, which is the fastest route possible. Samir, however, was not having it. He wanted me to choose. I struggle enough with decisions so I wasn't thrilled about this. Nonetheless, I pulled up Waze and picked one, naturally choosing the wrong route. My route included an abortion march down the streets of San Francisco, forcing us to sit in traffic for an hour. Finally realizing this may take the next week, Samir, decided to turn away from the parade, past my hotel and go the other route. This is why I shouldn’t be making the decision. Don’t be a hero.
2. Have a phone charger. (Bonus points: Phone chargers that are ALSO an aux cord)
This is really so obvious. There should be an option when you request an Uber to make sure your driver has an available phone charger. After we exchange the initial formalities, my immediate next question is always if they have a phone charger. I don’t even think about it anymore. The words just slide out of my mouth, even if my phone is at 100%. In addition, there's always that one person in your friend group whose phone lives at 18% in low power mode. So, yeah, an iPhone charger is neccessary.
Me: Do you have a phone charger
Driver: iPhone?
Me: Yes.
Driver: Sure. Sorry about the cord, it’s kind of short.
Me: All good. I’ll hunch over and hurt my neck.
In extreme rare cases, a driver won’t have an iPhone charger, and in even rarer cases, a driver says you can’t use their charger.
EXHIBIT A: STORY TIME!
I was in a ride with two friends after dinner. There’s always that person in your friend group whose phone lives on 18% on low power mode, so we agreed that he could use the charger. However, our driver had other plans. He said no, he couldn’t use it. I was baffled and couldn’t believe what I just heard. In all of my career ride share experiences I had never seen a driver just flat out not let a passenger use a phone charger. It’s not like he was even nice about it, either. This dude just said “no,” and continued to drive and blast his garbage music. My friends and I looked at each other and did the only thing there was to be done. We stayed silent for a few minutes and concocted a plan in a text thread. My friend asked again and this terror of a driver again said “no.” Our text thread went silent and the three of us proceeded to talk amongst ourselves about the situation as if our driver wasn’t there. Spoiler alert: He was there.
Wait for it.
The driver stopped the car and told us to get out. He wasn’t driving us anymore. Apparently he couldn’t take the not-so-silent smack talk in the car. Given that it was 10 degrees out and we were kind of in the middle of nowhere, none of us even considered budging.
Keep waiting for it.
Out of nowhere, some guy rear-ends us (probably because of where we were stopped. Insert shrug emoji) and sends us flying up a few feet. At this point, we take our driver’s instructions to get out of the car, for which he tells us to get back in. Umm, no thanks.
So, yeah. These are the kinds of things that can happen if you don’t let your passenger use a phone charger.
3. Don’t assume we’re going to be Best Friends
I don’t go into an Uber ride looking to pick up a new friend. I go into an Uber for some phone juice and silence. I believe that we, as passengers, should be the ones initiating the conversation. I mean, after all, every conversation when we’re sober really goes the exact same way.
Me: So, how long have you been driving for Uber?
Driver: A little over a year. This is just my side job. I’m actually running for President in 2020. Figure I can start my campaign a little early with Uber.
Me: Oh, cool.
There are, however, exceptions to this rule.
Situations it's appropriate to engage in conversation with your driver:
1) You're drunk
2) You're drunk
3) You're drunk
These are the best kinds of uber rides.
4. I expect to be dropped off at my actual destination
Too often, it seems, drivers will get lazy and try to make you walk a block or two to your destination. Ludicrous. Preposterous.
Driver: Is here fine?
Me: (Looks up from phone). No. It's up a little further.
Driver: But it would be easier for....
Me: (Looks back at phone)
I'll never understand this. This is the whole reason I'm even in the Uber. I don't care if it's an inconvenience to you. We've gone too far for you to throw an interception on the goal line. Finish the job. This happened to me recently again in...San Francisco. What is it with San Fran and their Uber drivers? Aren't they the ones who started this whole thing?
I was in an Uber a couple weeks ago on my way to a Golden State Warriors game and Valerie and I had been stuck in a fair amount of traffic. Valerie was 3/3 thus far in her performance behind the wheel as a driver. We hadn't said a word to one another since I got in and I was using her phone charger. All was well in Northern California. But then, Valerie fell apart down the stretch. As we pulled up to my destination, there was a line of cars, all impatiently waiting to get in. We were so close to a perfect ride when Valerie uttered it.
"Can you get out here?"
I couldn't believe it. We were in the bottom of the 9th with 2 outs left and Valerie completely choked. My destination was still a little ways away for a walk, so I told her no, I'm not walking. Two minutes later, she gave up another hit. This one, a walk-off.
"Can you just get out here? How am I going to get all the way up there?"
Growing impatient, I looked up at the cars of traffic. There was a lane on the left devoted specifically to drop-offs and ride sharing apps. Oh, Valerie.